It never rains, it pours!

Jesus is coming!
Look busy.

Cancel Easter: they found the body.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.